Get ready for Brock Osweiler and his misspelled tattoo to return to Denver

Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler (17) breaks out of the pocket and scramble for one yard during second quarter  action against the San Diego Chargers in the NFL game at  Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, Calif. December 6, 2015. (© Eric Lars Bakke/ Denver Broncos)
Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler (17) breaks out of the pocket and scramble for one yard during second quarter action against the San Diego Chargers in the NFL game at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, Calif. December 6, 2015. (© Eric Lars Bakke/ Denver Broncos)
Remember this guy? (© Eric Lars Bakke/ Denver Broncos)

Imagine offering someone a two-year contract worth $37 million in guaranteed money.

You’d want to make sure your company’s most important people met with said prospective employee first, right? You don’t just back the Brinks armored truck up to someone’s home without vetting them in person, one would think.

You’d also want to make sure that person has a history of doing his or her job well before giving them all that money too, yes?

And surely, you’re aware of any red flags surrounding the person in question, like, say, the fact that they have a cliched, misspelled tattoo that says, “Live life to it’s fullest” on their left arm.

Well, if you’re the Houston Texans and the person in question is Brock Osweiler, those answers are no, no and no.

Osweiler unexpectedly left Denver after four years with the team last spring. He was reportedly miffed about being benched for Peyton Manning in Week 17. When free agency opened, it didn’t take him long to bolt for Houston.

Texans owner Bob McNair, head coach Bill O’Brien and offensive coordinator George Godsey never even met Osweiler face to face before handing him that fat contract.

All the Texans had to go on was tape of a quarterback who’d thrown 11 touchdowns and six interceptions in seven career starts. That, plus photographic evidence that Osweiler at one point decided it’d be a good idea to get the the phrases “Leave your legacy,” and “Live life to it’s fullest,” on each of his arms.

Live life to it is fullest. Apostrophes, man. They will get you.

I don’t have many rules in life, but one of them is “Never pay $18.5 million annually to someone who has a misspelled tattoo.” The Texans violated that rule, possibly because Osweiler covered that bad boy up with sleeves while he was a Bronco.

Still, it’s inexcusable. The decision either means (A) Houston didn’t do its research, or (B) Houston did its research and gave him the money anyways.

You won’t believe this, but things are not going well for Osweiler with the Texans so far.

They’re 4-2, which isn’t bad at all. But Osweiler has struggled; he’s completing just 59 percent of his passes and has as many interceptions (eight) as TD passes (eight). He and the revamped Texans’ offense already got booed by their home crowd Sunday.

Osweiler’s next game, against the 4-2 Denver Broncos on Monday Night Football, won’t be an easy one either. The game is at Sports Authority Field. The Broncos should be well rested with 11 days off after their loss to the Chargers. Denver’s pass rush remains terrifying, and the team has every reason to be motivated.

Next Monday in Denver might be Osweiler’s toughest test of the season. All he can do is leave his legacy and live life to it’s fullest. Sleeves can cover arms up, but tattoo ink is forever.

 

 

Christian Clark

Author: Christian Clark

Christian Clark covers sports. He's worked for outlets that include the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, The Oklahoman, Columbia Missourian and Dave Campbell's Texas Football magazine. He likes music and Mexican food. Lots and lots of Mexican food.